


But We're Too Damn Sober For Mistakes Like This

by ultra_violett



Series: Normal [2]
Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Adult Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Sexual Situations, Drug Abuse, Everyone Is Gay, I fucking mean it, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, LITERALLY, LMAO, M/M, No Smut, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Theo is a Little Shit, Trans Theodore Decker, and he's a stubborn little bitch, and make it semi okay, because i'm stubborn and hate writing smut, because you can't tell me those boys were stuck in a hotel room together and DIDN'T have sex, but i'll figure it out, but still kind of canon, except for kitsey, idk how i'm gonna manage making this book about one night stands without smut, if there is one, not as canon as the first book, please i'm begging the lord above, sort of i guess, there are way too many tags on this fic, this book is going to be SO BAD, to have mercy on me while i write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:48:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultra_violett/pseuds/ultra_violett
Summary: “I cannot believe I found you! Well, you found me.” Theo nods, not pointing out that he hadn’t actually been looking for Boris. Not in the slightest. He had been looking for something to take Boris away from him, away from his mind, take the ghost of his touch away from skin, not bring him back in every way.“Yeah, totally.” Theo says, trying to sound genuine. He doesn’t. He sounds about as genuine as Kitsey does when she says she loves Theo romantically. Which isn’t very genuine.Boris’ smile drops at the fakeness in Theo’s voice. “You… were not looking for me?” He asks, voice suddenly holding a sad tone that Theo wishes he could somehow erase, like he did when they were kids.Or the story of after Theo and Boris reunite in NYC, years after their small relationship at the young age of 13.
Relationships: Boris Pavlikovsky/Original Female Character(s), Kitsey Barbour/Theodore Decker, Kitsey Barbour/Tom Cable, Original Female Character/Pippa, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Series: Normal [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018477
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to part two! Not much to say here, I just hope you enjoy! A lot more mature than part one, no smut, because I feel uncomfortable writing that, but still pretty mature ig. Lmao.
> 
> playlist:  
> ♡back to you-selena gomez  
> ♡from the dining table-harry styles  
> ♡lovesong-the cure  
> ♡mr loverman-ricky montgomery  
> ♡mistakes like this-prelow  
> ♡thinking about you-alex aiono  
> ♡want you back-5 seconds of summer  
> ♡amnesia-5 seconds of summer  
> ♡cotton candy-yungblud  
> ♡remember when-wallows  
> ♡strawberries & cigarettes-troye sivan  
> ♡want you-rynx, miranda glory  
> ♡new york city-current joys  
> ♡100 lovers-cannons  
> ♡why’d you only call me when you’re high?-arctic monkeys  
> ♡it’s only right-wallows  
> ♡sex money feelings die-lykke li  
> ♡the one that got away-katy perry  
> ♡drinking games-silver sphere  
> ♡sex with my ex-lil peep  
> ♡missing you-ingrid michaelson  
> ♡it's not the same anymore-rex orange county

“Theo, hey, you with me?” Theo looks up at Ivory as she snaps her fingers at him, irritated. This was the fifth time he zoned out during this  _ one _ conversation. He smiles sheepishly at her and shrugs. “Sorry.” He mumbles, not really meaning it. They were discussing his marriage to Kitsey Barbour, which he really wasn’t interested in talking about in any way. He didn’t actually want to get married to her, he just was to make her mom happy. He loved Mrs. Barbour as much as a mother, so getting married to Kitsey is something he’d happily do for her, because he plans to turn around and divorce her the second Mrs. Barbour’s body is in the ground.

It also doesn’t help that today is the official seven year anniversary of Theo running away from Las Vegas, and in the process, leaving his boyfriend, and the only person he’d ever loved, Boris Pavlikovsky. By now, Boris was bound to be God knows where. Probably across the world with a wife or husband of his own, maybe even kids, although he had never seemed like a kid person, but you never know.

Theo had tried to like people since Boris, but those relationships hardly lasted a month. Some of the guys were transphobic, others were just not interested in all of Theo’s emotional baggage, and a handful of guys really  _ had _ tried, but he just couldn’t stand being with them anymore and he dumped them. He could only handle even the nicest boyfriend before he got tired of him. And it wasn’t the guy’s fault, it’s just that they weren’t Boris.

Theo runs a hand through his hair for the millionth time that day. He just wants the day to be over. He’d been trying to stop the constant drug use recently, and it’s been working pretty well, but today he’s really tempted to go to that storage unit he had gotten  _ just _ for the drugs and snort every powder he can get his hands on.

“Do you want to back out of this? You really shouldn’t get in a marriage just to make someone happy, especially since you’re gay, Theo.” Ivory asks him, no longer looking irritated. Rather, she looks sad, probably because he’s about to give up probably five to ten years of his life to Kitsey to make Mrs. Barbour happy. He shrugs. “I’ve tried to find guys, Ivory. I just  _ can’t _ . None of them are Boris and I can’t because he’s the only one who really got me, y’know?” Ivory nods. “I know, but please don’t just give up. You’ll find someone.” 

Theo laughs dryly, counting the money in the cash register of Hobie’s shop for the millionth time that day. They’re behind, way behind in what they should have made by four P.M. that day, as usual. “I won’t. My someone was Boris, and he’s God knows where now. Probably dead from overdosing at this point.” Theo mutters, slamming the register shut a lot harder than he really should.

Ivory sighs, leaning on the counter. Her curls shine in the sunlight beating through the glass doors of the shop. “Theo, I should tell you something. You’re not gonna like it, but I should tell you because I’ve kept it from you for long enough.” He looks up from the cash register, staring at her expectantly.

She fiddles with her gold septum ring, a nervous habit like how Theo digs his nails into his palms or Boris used to just play around with a cigarette in his fingers. 

Theo shakes the thought of Boris away. He’s about to get married, he can’t think of his ex from a stupid, four day relationship when he was fourteen.

“Hazel, you remember her?” Theo nods, agitated. “Of course I fucking remember her.” He snaps, immediately regretting it. He sighs and goes to apologize, but Ivory waves him off. “She’s been with Boris this whole time. Not romantically, at least not until… maybe.... A year ago? They’re married, they’ve got a kid.” Theo’s heart drops to his ass. “They- He- She- What the fuck, Ivory? Why the fuck did you keep that from me?” He shouts, suddenly angry. She just lets him yell.

“They had a drunk one night stand, then Hazel was pregnant, and they dated for a bit because Boris felt bad for getting her pregnant. I guess they were pretty happy together, ‘cause they got married.” Ivory opens her phone, scrolling around and then handing it to Theo. Right there, in his hand, is a picture of Boris and Hazel sidled up with each other, with a  _ baby _ . 

Theo has to physically restrain himself from throwing Ivory’s phone. 

☏☏☏

Theo ends up going back to the storage unit. 

After Ivory showed him every picture she had of Boris and Hazel as a happy, married couple, Theo just couldn’t handle it anymore. He needed the pills he kept in there.

He does what he does every time, walking into the unit and shooting the man at the desk an awkward, tired smile before taking the elevator to the second floor. Nobody’s there, as usual, which he always prefers, even though no one knows what he does in the privacy of the storage unit.

Inside it is a single box and a bag of sports equipment he had bought on a whim, just to have something to say he was storing in there that wasn’t drugs. Right there, on top of the box, is the small container of pills.

It’s a blur, the whole process of crushing the pills and snorting them, then leaning away and almost falling over because he forgot just how big the unit is. 

Theo sits there in the unit for a few minutes, regretting the decision to come back. Because now that he’s alone with nothing more than his thoughts, his brain has suddenly decided to drown him in memories of Las Vegas. Not just Las Vegas, but Boris in specific.

Like the time he had sprayed Xandra’s perfume on one of Boris’ wounds when he showed up at Theo’s house, covered in bruises and cuts. Theo had known not to ask questions and had let him through the window, shoved him into the bathroom, and tended to his wounds as best as possible while Boris just sat there and smiled at him dopily, blood in his crooked teeth from his split lip and the nosebleed he had probably gotten as well.

The memory is bittersweet as Theo runs over every second of it, almost in slow motion. What he would give to stay with Boris rather than run off, even if it had only been a day or so more that he would have gotten with Boris. But he had to be a paranoid freak and run off without Boris.

Maybe if he had stayed that extra day like Boris asked, then Boris would have ran away with him. 

Theo tries to shake the thoughts of Boris away, because that’s what the drugs are supposed to do. They’re supposed to take away the feelings and the memories and leave nothing more than a shell of a man on autopilot, walking around and acting like a human when he isn’t anymore. 

Eventually, they do their job, but not after a few more memories have jumped into Theo’s brain, suffocating him in heartache and happiness, an odd combination that work against each other harshly. 

As soon as Theo can’t feel anything anymore, he shuts the small tin he keeps the pills in, and then leaves the storage unit. He doesn’t even smile at the man at the counter as he usually does, he just leaves.


	2. Chapter 2

Theo keeps going back to the unit, starts distancing himself from Kitsey. It wasn’t just the new heartache for his ex, but it was also that he saw her sidled up with Tom Cable not too long ago. Kistey hadn’t seen Theo hiding out in the small flower shop, but Tom had. And that… look he gave Theo, the same look he always used to give him, a creepy look that made Theo feel like bugs were crawling all over him, it made him hate that Kitsey had to cheat on him with Tom of all people. 

He’s sure she doesn’t know of the past Theo and Tom have, but Theo still just decides to keep his distance from her until the wedding. 

Which, speaking of the wedding, he had almost canceled it the day after hearing about Boris’ child and marriage. But then he realized how  _ stupid _ that would be. Boris may have been Theo’s person, but clearly Theo wasn’t Boris’. And he had to accept that. 

Theo goes into the storage unit now, walking in and over to the drug tin. But his heart drops as he opens it and realizes it’s empty.

He sighs and drops the tin, wincing at the loud noise it makes as it hits the floor. He turns suddenly, leaving the unit. Theo’s on a mission to find drugs, even though it’s nine o’clock on a tuesday night in NYC. Which means he probably won’t find anything, but he sure as hell can try. 

He remembers some place his “friends”, if they could be called that, had told him about. A bar. He had to go and ask for… someone. Katrina, that’s her name.

Theo goes to the bar, walking right in, and, unashamed, asks if Katrina works there. The bartender stares at him for a second as he cleans the bar. When he starts to walk over, Theo clears his throat awkwardly. “I’m a friend of Jerome’s.” He follows up with, but he suddenly feels embarrassed because the people at the bar are staring at him and the waiter has this look on his face as though saying “this guy’s a fucking idiot.”

“What’s Katrina’s second name?” The waiter asks, leaning on the bar as he stares at Theo. 

Theo sighs, trying to think on if his friends had ever mentioned a last name. They hadn’t. He turns and walks away, without saying anything else, because the bar suddenly feels too hot. He knows he’s just embarrassed, but he needs some air, he needs to get away from the stares around him.

As he’s speed walking away, cherishing the cold of the New York City air, someone yells at him. He’s pretty sure he’s about to get mugged or something because he just tried to get drugs, so he just keeps walking. 

“Potter!” 

He turns, and there, five feet away, is Boris.  _ His _ Boris.

Well, not so much his anymore, but he used to be his, which is good enough for Theo.

Boris smiles at him, which of course makes Theo smile back, despite himself. Boris’ teeth aren’t crooked and yellow, rotten from only ever drinking alcohol and eating mostly junk food and all the smoking he did when he was younger. Rather, they’re white and straight, probably fake.

“Hey, Boris. Good to, uh, good to see you again?” Theo’s thought of this moment so much, thought of seeing Boris again. And he had imagined it going something like a movie, where the couple run at each other and meet in the middle to hug or kiss. But now that it’s actually happening, it’s extremely awkward. The two keep their distance. Because now Theo knows Boris is married and Boris probably knows Theo is engaged.

They’re not each other’s anymore.

“Is good to see you, too, Potter.” There’s that stupid nickname again. God, Theo missed it. He laughs at the nickname, which makes Boris laugh, too. Just like they’re kids again.

Boris takes a few long steps towards Theo, and then suddenly he’s in front of him, looking down at him. If Theo were to move his head forward about an inch, their lips would touch. Would Boris want to kiss him again? Like they used to? 

Theo steps back. 

An odd look crossed Boris’ face, but he doesn’t say anything before it’s gone, replaced by a blank look. Theo wishes he could have identified that look, like he always used to be able to. He was always able to read Boris like a book. He still can, except for that look. That’s a new one, one Theo hasn’t learned yet.

“I cannot believe I found you! Well, you found me.” Theo nods, not pointing out that he hadn’t actually been looking for Boris. Not in the slightest. He had been looking for something to take Boris away from him, away from his mind, take the ghost of his touch away from skin, not bring him back in every way.

“Yeah, totally.” Theo says, trying to sound genuine. He doesn’t. He sounds about as genuine as Kitsey does when she says she loves Theo romantically. Which isn’t very genuine.

Boris’ smile drops at the fakeness in Theo’s voice. “You… were not looking for me?” He asks, voice suddenly holding a sad tone that Theo wishes he could somehow erase, like he did when they were kids.

“I never thought you would come here. I figured there was no point looking for you somewhere that you probably wouldn’t be.” Theo explains with a shrug. “Of course I would come here! I was looking for you!” Boris states, once again closing the distance between them. Theo wonders if he’s so insistent on being close because he misses what they once had, or if it’s because he’s never really known what personal space is.

He wonders if, like Theo, he feels cold, like half of him is gone when the two aren’t together.

“I missed you, Potter.” Boris states, and suddenly his hands are on Theo’s face, tilting his head up to face his own. Theo wants to pull away but he also  _ doesn’t _ , so he lets that second voice in his head screaming “Kiss him!” win, and he leans up and plants his lips on Boris’. 

And then suddenly they’re in a car, doing all sorts of drugs. 

Then Boris is leading him into a hotel room, shutting the door behind them, putting him on the bed. 

It all happens so fast that Theo doesn’t realize what happened until he wakes up the next morning next to sunlight streaming in through the thin hotel curtains. Boris lays asleep next to him. 

That’s when reality kicks in, and he starts to panic about how the fuck he’s gonna explain this to Kitsey.

What the hell is he supposed to say? 

“Hey, Kitsey, we’ve gotta call off the engagement. Oh, why? Because I slept with my ex from seven years ago.” Yeah, that’s totally an okay thing to say to your fiance. 

And it’s not just that he  _ slept _ with him, but he also  _ lost his virginity _ to him. 

Boris moves suddenly, turning over to face Theo. He’s still not awake, though, which Theo thanks God, or whatever’s up there, for. 

Theo lays there for a bit longer then finally decides he just won’t address it. He stands, grabbing his clothes from last night, gets dressed, and then leaves. He doesn’t even leave a note or even his phone number for Boris to get in contact with him. He leaves nothing more than the memory of last night as he slips out of the hotel room and calls a taxi to go back to Hobie’s.

Hobie has questions, it’s obvious. But he doesn’t ask them, and Theo doesn’t answer them. He just turns the sign on the door of the shop to ‘Open,’ and officially clocks in for the day. Hobie slinks off to the basement, not emerging for the rest of the day.


End file.
